Economists Confirm Meter Is “Booked Solid,” Receives No Student Debt, and Never Complains

PROVIDENCE, RI — A Providence-area man is reportedly grappling with a profound sense of existential resentment after discovering that a single downtown parking spot earns more per hour than he does, while also enjoying better job security and zero emotional needs.

“I did the math while sitting in my car,” the man said. “That was my first mistake.”

According to city data, the metered spot in question brings in approximately $30 an hour, every hour, rain or shine—without a résumé, without showing up late, and without once saying, “I’m really passionate about this opportunity.”

A Ruthless Comparison

The man, who holds a degree and at least one LinkedIn endorsement for “communication,” admitted the realization hit him hardest when he noticed the parking spot had no supervisor, no performance reviews, and no fear of layoffs.

“That spot doesn’t even try,” he said. “It just exists. And people line up to give it money.”

Witnesses say the man stared at the meter long enough to notice it had better work-life balance as well.

“It clocks out whenever it wants,” he added. “Meanwhile, I answer emails at 9:47 p.m. for free.”

Economists Weigh In

Local economists confirmed the parking spot’s financial success is due to its prime location, high demand, and refusal to negotiate.

“The meter never underprices itself,” explained one expert. “It doesn’t care about your budget. That’s confidence.”

When asked whether the spot had ever considered lowering its rates, city officials laughed.

Public Reaction

Residents across Providence report having similar moments of clarity.

“I realized a parking garage made more last year than my entire department,” said one downtown office worker. “At least the garage doesn’t pretend to be a family.”

Others admitted they’ve begun reevaluating career choices.

“My kid asked what I do for a living,” said another resident. “I said, ‘I compete with asphalt and lose.’”

The Parking Spot Responds

The parking spot itself declined to comment but was observed collecting quarters with quiet dignity.

Sources close to the meter say it plans to raise rates next year, citing inflation, infrastructure improvements, and “because it can.”

Looking Ahead

The man says he’s considering pivoting careers.

“I’m thinking of becoming a parking spot,” he said. “Low overhead. Strong cash flow. No meetings.”

At press time, the meter issued a ticket to a different resident, further asserting dominance and reminding everyone downtown who really runs the economy.