Local Man Confident Genius Will Be Discovered Between Mopping Shifts

PROVIDENCE, RI — A Providence-area man has officially accepted a position as a janitor at Brown University, expressing cautious optimism that his life is about to follow the exact plot arc of the 1997 film Good Will Hunting, minus the South Boston accent and plus significantly more student debt.

“I’m not saying I’m a secret math prodigy,” said the man, adjusting his Brown Facilities polo while staring thoughtfully at a chalkboard he does not have access to, “but I am saying the odds feel pretty good once you’re alone in a room full of equations at 2 a.m.”

According to sources close to the situation, the man has already begun practicing his routine of silently solving impossible proofs on whiteboards, then aggressively erasing them before anyone can verify his work—“just like the movie,” he confirmed.

Brown University officials were quick to temper expectations.

“We are thrilled to welcome him to our facilities team,” said a university spokesperson. “However, we’d like to clarify that discovering a once-in-a-generation mathematical genius while cleaning a lecture hall is not currently part of our strategic plan.”

Undeterred, the man has reportedly begun studying advanced mathematics, philosophy, economics, and whatever subject happens to be written on classroom posters he passes in the hallway.

“I’ve already absorbed a lot,” he said. “For example, I now know that every department is ‘interdisciplinary,’ and every class claims to be ‘life-changing.’ That alone feels like an education.”

Coworkers say he’s been unusually attentive while mopping near problem sets.

“Most guys just clean and leave,” said a fellow janitor. “This guy stops, squints at the board, nods like he understands, and mutters something about ‘fundamental assumptions.’ Honestly, it’s unsettling.”

Students, meanwhile, have begun speculating wildly.

“I saw him staring at a differential equation for, like, 45 seconds,” said one sophomore. “Either he’s a genius or he’s trying to remember where the bathroom is.”

The man has also reportedly been preparing emotionally for the moment a Nobel-level professor storms into the janitor’s closet demanding to know who solved the equation.

“I’ve practiced my response,” he said. “I’m going with: ‘How do you like them apples?’ But in a more Providence-appropriate tone, like, ‘Yeah, that was me, I guess.’”

As of press time, the man had not yet been discovered, recruited by the NSA, or emotionally confronted by a therapist who looks suspiciously like Robin Williams. However, he remains hopeful.

“Worst-case scenario,” he said, “I clean buildings at an Ivy League school. Best-case scenario, I rewrite modern mathematics. Either way, it’s a solid résumé line.”

Brown University confirmed that if a once-in-a-lifetime genius does emerge from the janitorial staff, it will immediately form a task force to study the phenomenon and charge tuition for it.